1. Today in class I realized that it’s still really hard for me to accept that you don’t like me anymore. We’re barely even friends, and it’s been more than a year since we had our thing but for some reason still there’s still a lingering little feeling inside of me that has to do with you. I don’t know what it is exactly.. but what I do know is that, no matter how much tension there is between us, I’ll always care about you. And I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for being so jealous. I’m sorry for being a cockblock and I’m sorry for lying and I’m sorry for crying and I’m sorry for the drunk voicemails and I wish more than anything that I could go back and fix things between us, but I can’t. I fucked up. And this is cheesy and stupid and I could and will never say this to your face.
2. 
   You’re one of my best friends and what happened over break was completely my fault and I hate myself for it even though I can’t remember what happened exactly, and I love you, and I HATE myself for hurting you, and I literally pray for you to please please please forgive me all the time. I miss you and need you and I’m so sorry and I’m a piece of shit and I can’t lose you as a friend because you’re too important to me and if I lost you I really don’t know what I would do.

then 3 (maybe 4) day fast, then starting the SGD diet :)

I stole some hydroxycut today, gonna start using it tommorow. Hopefully I’ll be 100 by New Years. Hope the holiday season doesn’t fuck me over.

The more you fight, the less I’ll eat. Maybe then you guys will stop fucking fighting already.

I like how she thinks I’ve started smoking weed again and that’s why I’m skipping school. Really it’s because I don’t want to go so I can sleep more. I never eat, so I need all the extra energy.

Age: 14
Height: 5’6”
Weight: 114 lbs

Dress Size: Last time I bought a dress (I was 125) I was a 4. I’d either be a 4 or a 2 now.
Highest Weight: 128.5 lbs
Lowest Weight: 114 lbs
Goal Weight: 100 lbs

Favorite Diet Food: Fiber One bars, 100 cal weight watchers yogurt, rice cakes, almonds
Favorite Binge Food: hot cheetos, french fries, cap’n crunch, pizza, proscuitto, oreos

Favorite Exercise: squats & crunches

Favorite Thinspo: Pics on all the thinspo blogs I follow
Where Do You Slip Up? When I’m high/drunk
When Did It Start? About 2 months ago

Does Anyone Know? One person, she has an ED too
Do You Want Help? Not yet
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day? 400-700 :/
What Do You Think When You Look In The Mirror? Look at your fucking thighs you whale

Are You In A Relationship? No.
Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends? Average. Most of them are thinner. 
Are You Depressed?  No
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide? Thought about it but no
Ever Been To A Psychologist? No but I think I’m going to go soon

I AM: 
[x] anorexic 
[ ] ednos 
[ ] bulimic 
[x] living off diet pills 
[x] hungry 
[ ] thirsty 
[ ] drinking something 
[ ] Under 100lbs 
[ ] fasting/starving myself

PEOPLE: 
[x] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic 
[x] have called me fat
[x] have said I’m skinny
[x ] have said I’m ugly 
[x] have said I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me 
[  ] force me to eat 
[  ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more 
[x] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH: 
[x] I was THIN 
[x] I had a better body 
[  ] I didn’t have to eat 
[i can] I could control myself 
[x] I was under 110lbs 
[  ] I could avoid food 
[x] I could hide what I am 
[x] I wasn’t fat 
[x] I was pretty 
[ ] I could stop being anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I LOVE:
[  ] feeling hungry 
[x] seeing a difference when fasting 
[x] shaking 
[x] feeling airy 
[x] losing weight 
[  ] being anorexic/bulimic 
[x] green tea 
[x] diet pills 
[x] being able to turn down food 
[x] feeling good about myself 

APPEARANCE: 
[ ] I am shorter than 5’4
[only my body] I think I’m ugly sometimes
[ ] I have many scars 
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
[ ] I have a tattoo
[lowkey] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[x] I have/had braces 
[  ] I wear glasses 
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free 
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger 
[ ]  I have more than 2 piercings
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears 
[  ] I have freckles 

FAMILY:
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents
[ ] I’ve run away from home 
[ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house 
[ ] My biological parents are together 
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old 
[ ] I want to have kids someday
[ ] I’ve had children 
[ ] I’ve lost a child  
[ ] I can’t have children

RELATIONSHIPS: 
[x] I’m single 
[ ] I’m in a relationship
[ ] I’m engaged 
[ ] I’m married
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date 
[x only one boyfriend tho] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper
[x] I miss someone right now 
[x] I have a fear of abandonment 
[x] I’ve cheated in a relationship 
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced 
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
[ ] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t
[ ] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did 
[  ] I’ve kept something from a past relationship
[ ] I’ve been ‘the other woman’

SEXUALITY: 
[ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] I’ve had a crush on a teacher 
[x] I am a cuddler
[ ] I’ve kissed in the rain
[x] I’ve hugged a stranger 
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

BAD TIMES: 
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol
[  ] I regularly drink
[ ] I can’t swallow pills
[ ] I can swallow numerous pills at a time without water
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression
[x] I shut others out when I’m upset
[ ] I take anti-depressants
[x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it 
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose
[ ] I’m addicted to self harm
[x] I’ve woken up crying 
[x] I’ve lost weight 
[ ] I’ve gained weight 
[x] My weight holds me back 
[x] Weight consumes me 
[x] I’m at my thinnest 
[ ] I’m at my biggest 
[ ] I’ve lost weight and kept it off 
[ ] I’ve lost weight but gained it back 
[x] My weight affects my mood 
[x] I weigh myself daily 
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me 
[x] I thrive on compliments 
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size 
[  ] I feel happy when I’m hungry 
[  ] I get depressed after I eat 
[x] I’ve skipped a meal 
[  ] I’ve thrown food away 
[x] I’ve spit food out 
[  ] I’ve fasted 
[x] I’ve taken diet pills 
[x] I’ve used laxatives 
[x] I’ve purged 
[x] I exercise 
[x] I exercise so I can eat 
[x] I work out secretly 
[x] I work out daily  
[  ] I’ve fainted from exhaustion 

I’ve done: 
[x] Weed 
[  ] Cigarettes 
[x] Alcohol 
[x] Diet pills 
[x] Pain killers 
[x] Sleeping pills
[  ] Anti-depressants 
[x] Ecstasy 
[ ] LSD 
[ ] Mushrooms 
[ ] Speed 
[ ] Cocaine 
[ ] Other
 
HABITS:
[x] I keep my eating habits a secret 
[x] I look at thinspo 
[  ] I collect thinspo 
[x] I count calories 
[  ] I’ve had negative intake days 
[x] I avoid food 
[  ] I hate food 
[x] I love food 
[ ] I want to be this way 
[x] I don’t want to be like this 
[x] I wish I could have more control 
[x] Being thin is my top priority 
[  ] I am in treatment 
[x] I’m doing this for me 
[x] I’m doing this for someone 
[x] I’m doing this to prove myself

If I wasn’t such a fatass I’d be able to eat. Well I do eat, but that’s not what I mean. I mean that I just want to be able to walk into my kitchen, eat an ice cream cone and a cookie and not give a fuck. Every single day all I eat are apples raspberries salads and diet coke and sure, nothing feels as nice as seeing the number on that scale drop a little bit more, but I miss not giving a fuck what I ate. I miss being content with what I looked like. I miss being able get dressed without staring at all the parts of me that I wish I could change. and I know dieting at my age is bad, but it feels so good. Ten more pounds and I’ll be perfect. Skinny and perfect and I’ll be able to eat whatever the fuck I want. I’ll be able to eat french fries or a burrito without freaking out afterward, I’ll be able to be so much happier. I’ll be happy. Ten down, ten to go.

10 pounds down, 18 to go <3